I never thought that I would find somebody to put up with me and my illness. It's so complicated and nobody would want a girl who doesn't even know how long she's going to live. Who would want somebody like that? Knowing that I could die any day. Wanting to be there through my hospital visits and all my doctor appointments. The only person I had was my mom. My mom went to every doctor appointment, was there through every hospital visit, and made sure I took care of myself. I didn't think that I would find somebody basically like my mom who would want to do that. My dad was there, yes, but he was busy working. He was there for me too. But mom did it all.
I had a job. I could work but I worked very little. I could only work 4 hour shifts. My health had gotten so bad that I couldn't work 8 hour shifts anymore. It was too hard on me. My body got tired really fast. My feet would start hurting really bad. My body was just worn out. It didn't help that on top of the Cystic Fibrosis, I also had Arthritis, Fibromayalgia, and Scoliosis. Plus with the CF, I had Diabetes. So of course my body would be so worn out. Who would want somebody with all these things wrong with her? I mean really. A lot of guys would never want to put up with it. So eventually, I just quit looking. What was the point? I thought I might as well just accept the fact that I could possibly be single for the rest of my life. I prayed to God and told him that when the time was right, he can bring me a man. If he ever did. But bring me a man, he did.
About two weeks after I decided to just give up and give it to God, I met this guy. I was at work when I met him. He was back by the water when my assistant manager said into the headset, "That guy in front of the water cooler likes you." I said, "No way." She nodded her head yes. I thought she was pulling my leg. How did she know that? She went on to explain that he was a friend of her husband's. She told me that he had asked about me and wanted to make sure I was 18. I didn't really think about it a whole lot because she told me he was 26, he smoked, and he drank every now and then. To me, that was a major turn off because I couldn't be around someone who did that because of my health. Plus I thought he was too old for me. He was 8 years older than me and I knew my mom wouldn't approve. I didn't know about my dad but I just went ahead and tried to forget about it.
A couple days went by and he didn't come in. Probably because it was the weekend and he didn't work. That next week he comes in and while I'm checking him out at the cash register, he says, "I have Friday off. You wanna go out?" I just stand there dumbfounded for a minute then finally I say, "Uhm, I don't know. I'll think about it." I didn't want to tell him that I had to ask my parents. I figured that would be a turn off for him. I was embarrassed to tell him that I had to ask my parents permission. What 18 year old has to ask their parents' permission to go out on a date? Well, me.
That Friday, my dad and I met him at Dairy Queen. My dad had made a list of questions to ask him. Some of them were: Do you smoke? Are you a Christian? Do you go to church? What kind of music do you listen to? What kind of movies do you like? Stuff like that. Then he mentioned my purity ring and how I won't have sex until I get married. Then he gave me pepper spray in front of him. I was so embarrassed. I was watching him the whole time my dad was asking all these questions and he looked so nervous. I felt bad for him. I looked at his hands and he was literally shaking. Poor guy... Was probably terrified of my dad. Who wouldn't be? He's a big man. But once you get to know him, he's a big teddy bear. Just a big protective teddy bear.
After my dad asked all these questions, he said we were good to go on our date. So we left Dairy Queen and headed to Princeton. Once we got to Princeton though, we changed our mind and decided to go to Evansville instead. On our way to Evansville, we didn't really talk much. Just kind of sat there in silence with the music playing. I had no clue where we were going or what we were going to do. I was so anxious. I sat in the passenger seat my mind running a million miles a minute. I really wanted to hold his hand but I didn't know how to go about it. I don't remember exactly how it happened but I think I said something like, "You can hold my hand, you know." So finally he took my hand. I was really giddy at that time. I couldn't wait to see where he was taking me. We ended up going to Olive Garden to eat. We didn't really talk much then either. You know how you're supposed to talk on a date? Well we barely did any of that. We were too shy around each other. We talked very little. The stuff we did talk about was just little things. I don't remember our conversation. I think I mentioned my health a little but not much. While we were eating, he kept looking at me. I said, "Why do you keep looking at me?" And he said, "Because you're so beautiful." I smiled. And I still smile every time I think about it. After we ate and while we were waiting for our check, he came to sit right beside me. He scooted close to me and held my hand. I asked him what we were going to do next and he let me decide. So I decided that we should go bowling. When we got to the bowling alley, we got our shoes and started to bowl. He kept coming up behind me and kissing my cheek. I knew he was hinting. I knew he wanted to kiss me. So finally while we were waiting for the next game, he was holding me and kissed my nose. I said, "That was my nose." Then he kissed me for real. That kiss... It felt so right. I think I was falling in love with him a little bit but I just didn't know it at the time. After we were done bowling, it was time to go home. I didn't want to go home at all. I wanted to spend all night with this amazing man. When we got back to my house, nobody was home. I let him walk me in and say good night. He kissed me, looked at me, kissed me again, said good night, and then kissed me again. It was the best date I had ever been on. I was like wow... Did that really just happen? My mom asked me all about my date and wanted all the details. She was starting to get excited for me. I told her all about it and she told me I should have waited to have him kiss me. I told her I wanted a kiss so bad, I couldn't wait. She smiled and laughed. I went to bed that night thinking about my date with this amazing man. I couldn't wait to call him my boyfriend.
