Who am I?
I am a strong woman. I have conquered many things in the 21 years I've been alive. I have been through so much that nobody else would be able to go through without breaking down. I have been through lots of abuse and illness. I have conquered this life.
I have CF. CF does not define me. I will conquer this disease. I will beat this disease. I will live to be 100 years old. I will not die in my 20's, 30's, or even 40's. I will beat this stupid disease.
I have Diabetes. Diabetes does not define me. I will conquer this. I will not let diabetes kill me. I will take care of myself. I will not let diabetes take any of my limbs from me. I will conquer diabetes.
I have been abused. I will conquer the abuse. I will not let it get in the way of my marriage. I will not let it get to me. I will not let it conquer me. I will not let it ruin my life or my marriage.
I am a strong woman. I have a great personality. I am kind, loving, caring, compassionate, and sweet. I am a good wife to my husband. I take care of him and he takes care of me. I may not be good at keeping the house clean but I try my hardest to be a loving wife. I love my husband with all my heart.
I am outgoing. I am shy at times. I am a good friend. I am a good listener. I am good at giving advice. I am a loving friend. I love my friends so much. I will try to help anybody in any way I can.
I like to read. I like to sing. I like to write stories. I like to blog. I like to dance even though I'm an awful dancer. I like to hang out with my friends. I like to spend time with my family. I like to spend time with my husband.
A lot of people don't know who they are. This is how I know who I am. I have conquered many things in my life. I am a strong woman.
For those of you who don't know who you are, try writing down these things about you. It helps. It helped me. I may not know everything about me but these are the things I do know about myself. This is who I am.
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
Monday, May 23, 2016
What is Cystic Fibrosis?
What is Cystic Fibrosis?
Cystic Fibrosis is a respiratory and digestive disease. It affects the lungs and pancreas more than anything else. It affects the cells that produce mucus, sweat, and digestive juices. It causes these fluids to become thick and sticky. They then plug up tubes, ducts, and passageways. But there are other things that it affects too. Here is a short list of some things that it also affects and how it affects me:
-Growth failure: A lot of us CF'ers are short. Most of us are only 4'11 to 5'1.
-Vitamin deficiency: I have to take several vitamins in order to get my vitamin A, D, E, & K.
-Sinuses: I know a lot of us have to have sinus surgery. Our sinuses just get stopped up and it makes it hard to breathe.
-Liver: I have been having liver problems lately. I don't know what's going on and what can happen with your liver.
-Bones (such as arthritis, osteoporosis, and clubbing in the fingers): I have arthritis and clubbing in the fingers. Clubbed fingers look like this:
Mine aren't that bad.
-Intestines (such as Appendicitis and smelly bowels): I have also had appendicitis and your bowels can smell pretty nasty.
-Lungs: Trouble breathing, low lung function, bronchitis, pneumonia
-Heart: I haven't had any heart problems that I know of
-Spleen: Nothing with my spleen either
-Stomach: I have to take replacement enzymes. While you were born with enzymes in your body, CF patients weren't.
-Pancreas (such as diabetes): I have CFRD. Cystic Fibrosis related Diabetes. It is type 1 and type 2 diabetes.
-Reproductive (such as infertility and delayed puberty): I don't know if I'm infertile. I am currently getting checked for it. I also had delayed puberty. I didn't start my menstrual period until I was 15 years old. That's kind of late for a normal female.
SYMPTOMS:
Can include cough, repeated lung infections, inability to gain weight, and fatty stools. The main signs and symptoms of Cystic Fibrosis are salty-tasting skin, poor growth, and poor weight gain despite normal food intake, accumulation of thick, sticky mucus, frequent chest infections, and coughing or shortness of breath.
As you can see, we go through a lot. Cystic Fibrosis is a life-threatening disease. Sometimes resulting in double lung transplants or worse case scenario, death.
There is currently no cure for Cystic Fibrosis.
Cystic Fibrosis is a respiratory and digestive disease. It affects the lungs and pancreas more than anything else. It affects the cells that produce mucus, sweat, and digestive juices. It causes these fluids to become thick and sticky. They then plug up tubes, ducts, and passageways. But there are other things that it affects too. Here is a short list of some things that it also affects and how it affects me:
-Growth failure: A lot of us CF'ers are short. Most of us are only 4'11 to 5'1.
-Vitamin deficiency: I have to take several vitamins in order to get my vitamin A, D, E, & K.
-Sinuses: I know a lot of us have to have sinus surgery. Our sinuses just get stopped up and it makes it hard to breathe.
-Liver: I have been having liver problems lately. I don't know what's going on and what can happen with your liver.
-Bones (such as arthritis, osteoporosis, and clubbing in the fingers): I have arthritis and clubbing in the fingers. Clubbed fingers look like this:
Mine aren't that bad.
-Intestines (such as Appendicitis and smelly bowels): I have also had appendicitis and your bowels can smell pretty nasty.
-Lungs: Trouble breathing, low lung function, bronchitis, pneumonia
-Heart: I haven't had any heart problems that I know of
-Spleen: Nothing with my spleen either
-Stomach: I have to take replacement enzymes. While you were born with enzymes in your body, CF patients weren't.
-Pancreas (such as diabetes): I have CFRD. Cystic Fibrosis related Diabetes. It is type 1 and type 2 diabetes.
-Reproductive (such as infertility and delayed puberty): I don't know if I'm infertile. I am currently getting checked for it. I also had delayed puberty. I didn't start my menstrual period until I was 15 years old. That's kind of late for a normal female.
SYMPTOMS:
Can include cough, repeated lung infections, inability to gain weight, and fatty stools. The main signs and symptoms of Cystic Fibrosis are salty-tasting skin, poor growth, and poor weight gain despite normal food intake, accumulation of thick, sticky mucus, frequent chest infections, and coughing or shortness of breath.
As you can see, we go through a lot. Cystic Fibrosis is a life-threatening disease. Sometimes resulting in double lung transplants or worse case scenario, death.
There is currently no cure for Cystic Fibrosis.
Thursday, May 19, 2016
The Beginning of Something Special; Part 2
Part 2:
The next day, I tried waiting patiently for him to wake up so I could text him. When he did text me, it was the usual normal conversation anybody would have. I couldn't wait any longer so finally I asked him, "So can I officially call you my boyfriend?" And he said, "That all depends on what you want. I would be honored to call you my girlfriend." So it was official. I finally had a boyfriend after 3 years of being single. I was so excited.
That night I was supposed to help with this fundraiser. I invited him to go with me but he had to work that night. It was a Saturday so I didn't know if he had to work or not. I missed him so much. I know I only had one date with him but I liked him a lot and wanted to be with him all the time. I texted him constantly throughout the night asking him how work was, telling him all about the fundraiser. I had really wanted him to go. But I still had fun helping out.
Five days after we started dating, I had gone to a concert with my youth group. While we were standing in line I was texting him. I got a text and he had said, "I love you." I was freaking out. My friends were trying to think of something for me to say. So finally I said, "Well I'm flattered but I would really like to hear you say it in person." He said, "I think that can be arranged." The next day, he came over to my house before work. Before he left, we stood outside. He kissed me and then said, "Hey guess what?" I said, "What?" He said, "I love you." And I said, "Hey guess what?" He said, "What?" I said, "I'm not ready to say it yet." He smiled and said, "That's okay." Then he kissed me and left for work. Every time after that when he said I love you, I would say I know you do. There were times when I really wanted to say it but thought, would I actually mean it? I needed to mean it before I said it. Finally after a couple of weeks, we were in my room sitting on the couch and he had his head in my lap. My heart was beating really fast. I wanted to say it so bad because I felt that I would mean it. Finally I just blurted out, "I love you." He looked up at me, smiled, then laid his head back in my lap and cuddled to me closer. He didn't say anything but he didn't have to. I already knew that he loved me. He told me everyday. There was no need for words.
He took me out every weekend, all weekend. Valentine's Day weekend, he took me out Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. It was our first Valentine's Day with someone. He had never shared Valentine's Day with someone and I hadn't either. He got me a teddy bear that he sprayed his cologne on and got me these heart earrings. I wore those earrings every day after that and slept with that teddy bear every night. I still sleep with that teddy bear sometimes when I'm missing him when he's at work. Or I sleep with this big monkey he got me too. I loved this man so much. He was so good to me. He cared about me a lot and he loved me so much. I knew I had to be falling in love with him but at the time, I just didn't know. I didn't exactly know what true love felt like but I knew I loved him. My parents could see that he was totally in love with me and that I loved him as well. He had a talk with my parents about 2 months into our relationship and told them he wanted to marry me one day. After just 2 months!! This man was definitely head over heels in love with me. I couldn't believe he told my parents that. But I guess when you know, you just know.
Almost 3 months into our relationship, we ended up having sex. I didn't mean for it to happen. It just accidentally happened. I had really wanted to wait until I was married. I didn't plan for it happen that way. I guess nothing goes as planned like you want it too. We kept having sex for a couple of weeks before finally I felt really guilty. I felt so bad that it was tearing me up. So finally I told my mom. She was really upset with me. She then talked to dad and then told me there were going to be rules and boundaries set. We weren't allowed to be in my room alone anymore. We had to be upstairs where everybody else was. We weren't allowed to go on dates for awhile. They didn't trust me anymore. We had to be watched constantly. We both hated it. Finally after awhile, my mom decided that I couldn't date him anymore. I was devastated. I broke down crying because I didn't want to break up with him. It still hurts my heart now when I think about it.
My dad thought different. He took me out that day and told me if I wanted to be with him then I would have to run off with him and get married. He told me since I was 18, it was my life and I could make my own decisions. My dad told him that if he loved me, to take me and get married. That week, I tried to hide from my mom that I was moving out. But she ended up finding out and was totally mad at me. She barely talked to me that whole week. Finally the day came where he came to pick me up and take me away. We didn't get married that day. I stayed in a hotel that night because he didn't have a place of his own yet. He still lived with his parents. He went to work that night and I stayed at the hotel by myself. The next day we went to his parents house and stayed there that night. He was working on finding a place for us. A couple days later, we found an apartment. It was a very small apartment but at least it was something. The day I moved out was April 18th. The day we moved in together was April 20th. I had lied to my mom for those couple of weeks and told her I was already married when really I wasn't. She didn't talk to me for a month after I moved out. She was really mad at me. She's still not over it after 2 years. On May 2, 2014, we made it official as a married couple. And then we started our life together.
The next day, I tried waiting patiently for him to wake up so I could text him. When he did text me, it was the usual normal conversation anybody would have. I couldn't wait any longer so finally I asked him, "So can I officially call you my boyfriend?" And he said, "That all depends on what you want. I would be honored to call you my girlfriend." So it was official. I finally had a boyfriend after 3 years of being single. I was so excited.
That night I was supposed to help with this fundraiser. I invited him to go with me but he had to work that night. It was a Saturday so I didn't know if he had to work or not. I missed him so much. I know I only had one date with him but I liked him a lot and wanted to be with him all the time. I texted him constantly throughout the night asking him how work was, telling him all about the fundraiser. I had really wanted him to go. But I still had fun helping out.
Five days after we started dating, I had gone to a concert with my youth group. While we were standing in line I was texting him. I got a text and he had said, "I love you." I was freaking out. My friends were trying to think of something for me to say. So finally I said, "Well I'm flattered but I would really like to hear you say it in person." He said, "I think that can be arranged." The next day, he came over to my house before work. Before he left, we stood outside. He kissed me and then said, "Hey guess what?" I said, "What?" He said, "I love you." And I said, "Hey guess what?" He said, "What?" I said, "I'm not ready to say it yet." He smiled and said, "That's okay." Then he kissed me and left for work. Every time after that when he said I love you, I would say I know you do. There were times when I really wanted to say it but thought, would I actually mean it? I needed to mean it before I said it. Finally after a couple of weeks, we were in my room sitting on the couch and he had his head in my lap. My heart was beating really fast. I wanted to say it so bad because I felt that I would mean it. Finally I just blurted out, "I love you." He looked up at me, smiled, then laid his head back in my lap and cuddled to me closer. He didn't say anything but he didn't have to. I already knew that he loved me. He told me everyday. There was no need for words.
He took me out every weekend, all weekend. Valentine's Day weekend, he took me out Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. It was our first Valentine's Day with someone. He had never shared Valentine's Day with someone and I hadn't either. He got me a teddy bear that he sprayed his cologne on and got me these heart earrings. I wore those earrings every day after that and slept with that teddy bear every night. I still sleep with that teddy bear sometimes when I'm missing him when he's at work. Or I sleep with this big monkey he got me too. I loved this man so much. He was so good to me. He cared about me a lot and he loved me so much. I knew I had to be falling in love with him but at the time, I just didn't know. I didn't exactly know what true love felt like but I knew I loved him. My parents could see that he was totally in love with me and that I loved him as well. He had a talk with my parents about 2 months into our relationship and told them he wanted to marry me one day. After just 2 months!! This man was definitely head over heels in love with me. I couldn't believe he told my parents that. But I guess when you know, you just know.
Almost 3 months into our relationship, we ended up having sex. I didn't mean for it to happen. It just accidentally happened. I had really wanted to wait until I was married. I didn't plan for it happen that way. I guess nothing goes as planned like you want it too. We kept having sex for a couple of weeks before finally I felt really guilty. I felt so bad that it was tearing me up. So finally I told my mom. She was really upset with me. She then talked to dad and then told me there were going to be rules and boundaries set. We weren't allowed to be in my room alone anymore. We had to be upstairs where everybody else was. We weren't allowed to go on dates for awhile. They didn't trust me anymore. We had to be watched constantly. We both hated it. Finally after awhile, my mom decided that I couldn't date him anymore. I was devastated. I broke down crying because I didn't want to break up with him. It still hurts my heart now when I think about it.
My dad thought different. He took me out that day and told me if I wanted to be with him then I would have to run off with him and get married. He told me since I was 18, it was my life and I could make my own decisions. My dad told him that if he loved me, to take me and get married. That week, I tried to hide from my mom that I was moving out. But she ended up finding out and was totally mad at me. She barely talked to me that whole week. Finally the day came where he came to pick me up and take me away. We didn't get married that day. I stayed in a hotel that night because he didn't have a place of his own yet. He still lived with his parents. He went to work that night and I stayed at the hotel by myself. The next day we went to his parents house and stayed there that night. He was working on finding a place for us. A couple days later, we found an apartment. It was a very small apartment but at least it was something. The day I moved out was April 18th. The day we moved in together was April 20th. I had lied to my mom for those couple of weeks and told her I was already married when really I wasn't. She didn't talk to me for a month after I moved out. She was really mad at me. She's still not over it after 2 years. On May 2, 2014, we made it official as a married couple. And then we started our life together.
Sunday, May 15, 2016
A Dream
The nurse came running in when she heard a faint cry of help. What she saw when she walked in was absolutely horrifying. Blood everywhere. On the floor, on the bed, on the door, on the chair, even all over the sink and toilet in the bathroom. When she walked into the bathroom and turned to her left, she saw the most petrifying thing lying face up in the shower. A girl, about 15 years of age looked like she had been stabbed several times all over her poor, fragile body. She looked like she had been mutilated. Fingers and toes lay strewn everywhere in the shower. She even saw a finger hung up on the shower head. She stood there trembling from head to foot, terror-stricken unable to move or even scream. The girl somehow was still alive and managed to reach over and lay her hand, fingerless I might add, on the nurse's foot. Suddenly, like a bolt of lightening had traveled the length of her frozen body and her vocal cords decided to work, the nurse screamed so loud and long she could've shattered the windows. By the time she finished screaming, the girl had lost even more blood and was on the verge of either passing out or dying. The nurse finally bolted into action and decided to call 3 other nurses to help her. Nobody wanted to touch or move the poor mutilated girl for fear that she may die. Nobody knew how she was still alive.
Doctors later discovered that she had been stabbed at least 20 times but somehow the suspect had managed to miss her heart. The doctors didn't know if that was on accident or on purpose to make her suffer.
The doctors managed to fix her wounds as best as they could but they could not save her fingers and toes. She would never be able to do anything with her hands and she would never be able to walk again. Her face looked like it had been in some kind of grinder and someone tried glueing the pieces back together. And her body was all stitched up in several different places. She had some major brain damage from hitting her head on the sink so she was in a coma. Nobody knew if she was going to live. Everybody thought she was long gone even though she was in a coma and there was a chance she could still live. The only person who could make that decision was her.
Doctors later discovered that she had been stabbed at least 20 times but somehow the suspect had managed to miss her heart. The doctors didn't know if that was on accident or on purpose to make her suffer.
The doctors managed to fix her wounds as best as they could but they could not save her fingers and toes. She would never be able to do anything with her hands and she would never be able to walk again. Her face looked like it had been in some kind of grinder and someone tried glueing the pieces back together. And her body was all stitched up in several different places. She had some major brain damage from hitting her head on the sink so she was in a coma. Nobody knew if she was going to live. Everybody thought she was long gone even though she was in a coma and there was a chance she could still live. The only person who could make that decision was her.
Falling In Love
Falling in love isn't easy. But that's just me. For some people it may be easy to fall in love. It's not very easy for me. I've only been in love twice. Once with my high school boyfriend and the second time with my husband. (I'm pretty sure the first time with my high school boyfriend was just a little infatuation more than being in love. I may have been in love but not truly). To be completely honest, I didn't fall in love with my husband until a year after we were married. I loved him yes, but I wasn't truly in love with him.
I got married at a young age. Eighteen to be exact. I loved my husband very much. But I didn't know I was in love with him until a year after I was married. I know that sounds awful. But we got married after only 3 months of dating. I didn't know I was truly in love with him because I didn't exactly know what being in love felt like. I thought I found it in high school but I don't think it was true love.
Being in love is the best feeling ever. Being in love is like floating on cloud nine. When you're in love, you'll do anything for that person. When you're in love, you care about someone so much that your happiness doesn't matter anymore - just theirs. There's nothing you won't do for them, you just want them to be happy. They fill you with wonder, you are completely amazed by them. And when you are in love with someone, you'll even let them be with someone else if they can be happier without you. Its a feeling that runs so deep it conquers everything. You're not afraid of anything. All you want is them, and their happiness. They are your number one priority, over yourself and everything you know. They are your world. And you can only wish to be theirs. This is the way I feel with my husband.
Before I knew I was truly in love with him, I thought about me all the time. I thought about my happiness. I didn't care if he was happy. I did a little but I thought about my happiness more often than his. Which is an awful thing to say. I was an awful wife our first year together. Or at least I thought I was. I've grown up a little. I'm almost 21 years old now. I'm so in love with my husband, that there are no words to describe how I feel about him. Being in love is the best feeling in the world. Find someone that means to world to you. Put their happiness before yours. Don't think about you all the time. You have to think about them too. Being married to someone is a good feeling too. I married the most amazing man ever. He is the love of my life. Find someone to fall in love with. You'll be amazed at what you'll both do for each other. At what lengths you'll go to, to make them happy.
Make sure you fall in love with the right person. You'll both be happy for eternity :)
I got married at a young age. Eighteen to be exact. I loved my husband very much. But I didn't know I was in love with him until a year after I was married. I know that sounds awful. But we got married after only 3 months of dating. I didn't know I was truly in love with him because I didn't exactly know what being in love felt like. I thought I found it in high school but I don't think it was true love.
Being in love is the best feeling ever. Being in love is like floating on cloud nine. When you're in love, you'll do anything for that person. When you're in love, you care about someone so much that your happiness doesn't matter anymore - just theirs. There's nothing you won't do for them, you just want them to be happy. They fill you with wonder, you are completely amazed by them. And when you are in love with someone, you'll even let them be with someone else if they can be happier without you. Its a feeling that runs so deep it conquers everything. You're not afraid of anything. All you want is them, and their happiness. They are your number one priority, over yourself and everything you know. They are your world. And you can only wish to be theirs. This is the way I feel with my husband.
Before I knew I was truly in love with him, I thought about me all the time. I thought about my happiness. I didn't care if he was happy. I did a little but I thought about my happiness more often than his. Which is an awful thing to say. I was an awful wife our first year together. Or at least I thought I was. I've grown up a little. I'm almost 21 years old now. I'm so in love with my husband, that there are no words to describe how I feel about him. Being in love is the best feeling in the world. Find someone that means to world to you. Put their happiness before yours. Don't think about you all the time. You have to think about them too. Being married to someone is a good feeling too. I married the most amazing man ever. He is the love of my life. Find someone to fall in love with. You'll be amazed at what you'll both do for each other. At what lengths you'll go to, to make them happy.
Make sure you fall in love with the right person. You'll both be happy for eternity :)
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