I see things when it's dark at night or in a very dark room like black or demon-like figures. I hear things like whispers and noises nobody else can hear. I have weird dreams like going to hell or demons chasing me. When I have a knife in my hand, I want to do something with it like slice my wrist or stab somebody in the chest. I think about suicide when I see, hear, or dream about these things. Not all the time though. But especially when I have a knife in my hand. I like to think that this is just my wild imagination and that I'm not mentally crazy. That I'm not hullicinating and I need to go to some mental hospital again or that I need to be locked up in a white room with padded walls and a straight jacket. These things scare me. No wonder I'm terrified of the dark or afraid to use or even be near any sharp knives. I scare myself sometimes. One minute I'm fine but then the next I'm thinking about things I don't want to think about and it doesn't stop until somehow I snap out of it. These thoughts are not normal. God already knows that I'm not in my right mind but I'm not mentally crazy. It's awful because I'm actually scared of myself... This is not good. Not good at all.
I don't want to be here. Getting in this state of mind where part of me is frozen and thinking about things I shouldn't. Tuning out the things around me and getting in this zone where I think about... suicide. There, I said it. Yes, I am suicidal. Yes, I want to die. No, I wouldn't really hurt myself. But yes, I am suicidal. I. AM. SUICIDAL.
***Might put this in a story of some sort!***
